Serena Malcolm

Sweet Carmine

Hear her flow into the cup:
Temptress whispers, “Steal a sup!
Glut yourself with fruity mace;
Heal yourself in my embrace,
Mend your heart and free your mind,
Find new love in sweet Carmine.”

This poem was written for NaPoWriMo. Today’s prompt was to write about wine-and-love. This style of poetry is called Acreontics and is traditionally made up of seven-syllable lines. I have followed this style above.

Update

Following a conversation with a fellow poet, I have now updated this poem for perfect seven-syllable by seven-line symmetry:

Hear her flow into the cup:
Temptress whispers, “Steal a sup!
Glut yourself with fruity mace;
Let me take you from this place,
Heal yourself in my embrace,
Mend your heart and free your mind,
Find new love in sweet Carmine.”

Serena Malcolm

11 April, 2014

Love

Acreontics, Greek, love, meter, NaPoWriMo, poetry, wine

14 responses to “Sweet Carmine”

colonialist

April 11, 2014 at 4:41 pm

Neatly done!
I wonder if one could get away with another line without it seeming unbalanced? Seven sevens. Perhaps one would need to be a forty-niner to get away with that, though.

Reply
1. Serena Malcolm
  
  April 11, 2014 at 4:46 pm
  
  You know I did actually think of that but I think I’m unbalanced enough without my poetry going that way too 😉
  
  Reply
  1. colonialist
    
    April 11, 2014 at 5:20 pm
    
    Seems you have been tipped over the edge, anyway!
2. Serena Malcolm
  
  April 11, 2014 at 4:48 pm
  
  Hear her flow into the cup:
  Temptress whispers, “Steal a sup!
  Glut yourself with fruity mace;
  Let me take you from this place,
  Heal yourself in my embrace,
  Mend your heart and free your mind,
  Find new love in sweet Carmine.”
  
  Reply
  1. colonialist
    
    April 11, 2014 at 5:19 pm
    
    By George, I think she’s done it!
    It works extremely well.
    Perhaps we have invented the Chronic Acreontic!
  2. Serena Malcolm
    
    April 11, 2014 at 5:25 pm
    
    Yes, it would seem unbalanced has clinched it. Thanks for pushing me over the lyrical edge!
CC Champagne

April 11, 2014 at 5:16 pm

This was gorgeously written!!! Really loved it!

Reply
1. Serena Malcolm
  
  April 11, 2014 at 5:18 pm
  
  Thank you so much!
  
  Reply
KianaDonae (@NakedSoulPoet)

April 11, 2014 at 8:47 pm

You did a marvelous job with the prompt. I didn’t want to attempt since I don’t drink wine ….but you captured it beautifully. Thank you for stopping by my blog earlier too!! 🙂

Reply
1. Serena Malcolm
  
  April 11, 2014 at 9:26 pm
  
  Yes it’s a hard prompt if you don’t drink I suppose. I wanted to show a darker side of wine to show that it affects people differently. Thanks for stopping by 🙂
  
  Reply
Wyoming Diva

April 11, 2014 at 11:58 pm

I loved either version of this poem – you establish a soothing rhythm and seduce the reader with love and wine!

Reply
1. Serena Malcolm
  
  April 12, 2014 at 11:23 am
  
  Seductive is what I was aiming for so I’m pleased. Thank you so much!
  
  Reply
charlenedelfin

April 12, 2014 at 3:15 pm

I love the rhythm. It’s as soothing as wine. The second version does feel more complete. 🙂

Reply
1. Serena Malcolm
  
  April 12, 2014 at 9:15 pm
  
  Thank you so much Charlene 🙂
  
  Reply