Serena Malcolm

It’s a dark, dark road
that you venture down
when you can’t even look yourself
in the eye,
When the words ‘fat’ and ‘ugly’
explode
like landmines
in your mind
every time you look in the mirror,
When you’d rather
rip your flesh and
gouge out your eyes
than have to look a second more
at what you’ve become,
When you punch the fat
hoping that it will vanish,
When you punch so hard
that you might throw up
(and somewhere inside a voice is
lurking
sneering
taunting
“that might actually
do your fat arse some good”),
When you’re jealous
of those with a tummy virus,
When you consider buying laxatives,
When you eat your lunch
and then you start to panic
and you hate yourself,
And hate yourself,
And hate yourself
until it’s dinnertime,
And the cycle starts again,
And again,
When you won’t let him
see you naked
because you
know
he’ll be as
disgusted
as you are,
When you won’t even let him
touch you,
When your skin crawls
at the very thought
of him feeling those
lumps
and
folds
Yes;
It’s a dark, dark road,
And no help is coming,
Because no-one knows
that you’re so far
from home.